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Quarter Life Crisis

by J Rob

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1.
How Clever 02:21
My lyrics are a gift to the children No soul, They say rap's missing the feeling Well I give them the thrillin They get watching a young prince william, vivian, phil and Carlton, my bars starving them This young artisan' Skills illing, anti-penicillin Couldnt be this proper if you went to cotillion If you're swag's 30,000 mine on quadrillion Or one thousand million million That's a 1 with twenty zeroes Now a days there's plenty heroes But they can't kill this villain, Built this building Just so you say you in it And I can tear it down Its Garish what I'm wearing now Flowing like a faucet, they ask how I'm farah'n now I'm who they fearing now when they hear my sounds Big fumes when I spit tunes Fill up your spittoon I've made chicks swoon since Lara croft was in tombs, nicktoons, and rick rude, I'm Doused in arrogance That's the reason your spouse blouse got left on my beach house chair again And the sheer amount of knowledge I possess about full house is embarassin We scalp garrisons Leave Wiz Taylor Gang-less and XV without Squarians Bottomline: Competition we bury them Steal your maid marian When rob in yo hood with his merry men Bitch it's Rob; I'm a Demigod And I'm Shitting on rappers, got em trailing like the Iditarod Dogfish what I'm sippin on Yo chick missing? She probably with Crane, Ichabod Stacks like I'm Flippin Pogs Pabst like I'm still in college Passport got stamps; it needs to get a job You have No Future and that Isn't Odd Giant ego, My head bigger than the Wiz of Oz
2.
What direction are you heading Rob Stuck in a Dead End with a Second Job No pressure dog A day job for j rob is toxic So I watch this obnoxious clock tick 4:59, 45 seconds 15 more before I exit Trying to make due to pay dues, all the while hoping that well break through Once my ship comes in, I'm outta here So when the sun goes down around here That sound you hear loud and clear Of me and my astounding peers grinding... Like we threw our cars out of gear, When the moonlight is on Give me A microphone, A Night alone writing Poems, And I'm at right home From 8-6 My days consists Of lazy shifts just so I can pay for shit Used to think finding a good job couldn't be that hard Now I vent about it when I G Chat Marc Then Baylor sends a beat that's hard And even though that's small, well I need that spark Just to get through today How many times I think about quitting? At least two a day Night time, my life line, Imbibe some beer or white wine, skype, and write tight rhymes Wife asks why I've been so stressed Cause I come home shaking like MJF, And when I think of going out like MJ's death I log in and start bloggin for MJF Give the people something nutritious, But instead I write some stupid shit, Wishing it was lucractive So in lieu of this, I dream and hope That one day I see that boat, headed towards me afloat Friday Friday, Thank You Based God Another week down at the day job Today was full of facepalms But I somehow managed to stay calm with aplomb I call up Other Wise and Shamrock, Tell em to come over, I got lamp chops, and scotch on the damn rocks I'm getting sloppy drunk, do you copy punks? So bring me a 12 pack, preferably a hoppy one This week's been a rocky one Fuck I might stay up all night watching movies, starting with Rocky 1 Or old cartoons like the Bullwinkle and Rocky ones Chino's weed the color of mixtapes, the ASAP Rocky one The weekend is freedom, naps, music, partying lots of fun Lots of rum, Fuck the neighbors, you can tell the cops to come Not until sunrise on Monday, will Rob be done
3.
The first thing I notice was that fat ass I wanna kill that shit, leave her flag at half mast And for the last half, Hour, in this club, she's been talking to some Scrubs Need save her from these Zac Braffs Let's get it straight, I don't simp Not for a princess or a known nypmh Blonde hair, drinking Malibu, she so primped I'm a put it on this Barbie, no shrimp This sexy, young, Betty done got me already sprung Louboutin, leopard pumps, Palm Tree Dress from Alexa Chung Ooooooooh, she made well Got these chicks jealous too cause she already won I'm trying to catch her eye like Salinger So I can get her out of her She don't need to go Home Alone Kevin McCallister Them Inhibitions diminish with a some McCallans in her But way before that Scotch hit I'll have her gassed up more than Aushwitz Ahhh shit Wanna to stroke her like a Golf hit And taste what gloss is on them soft lips Now she checkin like Foursquare, Out of her Party of Five, theres four squares So so sos so ditch em You and me together are so so fittin Wanted to get into those britches Ever since I saw you from the back like Nomo pitchin And I''ve been Soco sipping So After a few shots, everything's slo-mo shifting Chit chat, shit's wrapped, OK we're smitte n Told her I want use your love, but I may forget it And though we only need each other for tonight Probably drunk text you in a fortnight, of course right? If she falls in love then I'm culpable She ain't know orgasms could be like my rhyme schemes... multiples So give me your love, I promise not to lose it boo Let's go somewhere quiet, I got some things I want to do to you
4.
My poly-syllabic habits are ballsy and lavish Awfuly elaborate Far from the average Call me old-fashioned But I'm causing the havoc, these prodigys lacking So I pause for applause and the clapping You're spittings a bore Like YaYa, you chihuahuas Constantly Yapping, Dog I'm a mastiff Unsigned but I'm, In for deals, J Rob is Aladdin And In enfamils, like baby products.. An Aspirin won't solve the withdrawal you've been having The Songs that I'm packing All hits like Molly and acid That takes em calmy to back in The day when video games were bought from a Babbages This me giving a Loss to these has beens You do music what they constantly asking Now that you see this Bauce up in action, And its pretty obvious I'm awesome at rapping Its like the right song comes on just when I need it, need it When I feel so damaged and my souls famished Those notes feed it, feed it Music is my therapy gives me clarity, I hope you see it, see it Cause whatever I need at the timeee, Music can be it, be it Gotta love that no matter if I'm on top of my girl, top of the world or downtrodden There's a sound option And each week theirs some one new that astounds blogs and, Its like remember so and so from last week we crowned hot? Well this new artist we found tops them Music is massively cogent It can capture a moment Take you back in time No need for a car with a flux capacitor on it It can heal, and soothes your pain It can steal your blues away So let me tell you what it do me Ordering syllables are integral To dealing with the Fool ish, bull ish, of the imbeciles I interact with daily, so this rap shit baby Is the only reason why I'm not bat shit crazy
5.
So Literary 04:46
@BauceSauce where the birds chirp With verbs, I'm Wordsworth Before trying to sell your CD, figure out what your words worth All these cats claim to aim, hit and split marrow Talking how they got big guns, how they gats be great F. Scott Fitzgeralds I strike fear in these YouTube vets You too fresh in that fubu vest? I shit on yall, the scene looks like Yoo Hoo Mess Dr Khil... this shit cra... like A dozen flew over the cuckoo's nest I'm Chief Bromden, be cautious 90% of these conmen preach nonsense Give you these options You can either leave promptly Or get thrown from a wuthering height off a heath cliff, word to emily bronte They got tough shit to say with their mouse They must not want it too badly, Cause these Boo radleys stay in their house Hide behind keyboards and really talk absurd Catch em in real life and show yall How to kill a mockingbird Teach Em a lesson before dying Think before trying This Don Juan, no Lord Byron You bout that friend zone side hug life Jay can show you he bout that Ayn Rand Atlas shrug life I'm so literary I'm so literary Put reading a book on your itinterary Watch reading rainbow, make your bleeding brain grow Your so dumb it is scary While I'm so literary You couldn't pack an auditorium Their camp tried implorin them "You don't want to go to war with him" This aint tennis son, no back and forth Sent him to the lord and then his people writing bout him in memoriam A young Kurt Vonnegut My career in bloom like a Nirvana hit Feeling like I might blow up on some hurt Locker shit Your crew is full of Oscar Wildes I've heard about the parties y'all throw for the Oscar's... wild. They can't bear the fact I kill rappers and beat poets But if the beat donuts Then The kids don't care you whack Fuck that foolishness, Your future is dubious No more bright spots, You're career's looking lugubrious Everyone in my coterie is noteworthy You a bitch, I can see the run in your hosiery overtly Catch me tickling your Madam Bovary's ovaries Skin tone whiter than snow flurries on a polar b No drugs for my root canal, I knew it would hurt though Tried to trandscend dentalism, damn I'm so Thoreau To reiterate, I obliterate bitter twitter hate when I alliterate First and foremost, fuck your feelings I'll figure skate a figure eight on your fat father's frickin face I'm so literary I'm so literary Put reading a book on your itinerary Watch reading rainbow, make your bleeding brain grow Your so dumb it is scary While I'm so literary I'm the shit, The Lord of the Flies But what's more a surprise Is how I split a whore and her thighs Even if they say it's dudes they don't fuck, PSYCH Trust, I put my girthy john, Up Dike's You ain't scary, you couldn't make a rabbit run with magic, son On the beat, go from Jekyl to Mr. Hide, What's happening? Your girl's full of myself, she so conceited, Never settle foa metaphor, I'd rather conceit it While they Serve similes Who they are don't match what they doing That subject and verb disagree Combine N.E.R.D. with a nerd, you get me Paint Superb imagery I'm who these herbs want to be I'm getting a fucking colonic while reading chuck palahniuk Think I should call it quits, you can on suck, all this dick. Y'all need to Stop, I've heard it all before, Billy Ocean You silly yeoman you should Kill yourself, Willy Loman I'll keep my Sperry's, you can have the Shell toes Did it my hemingway, now I'm for whom the bell tolls, Charge my light brigade and all around you theyll be cannons My discography should be added to the Literary Canon
6.
50 thoughtless hours in this office Which Flawless, ly eats my soul, I'm nauseous Just thinking that I'd rather be jobless So I'm cautious, hide the disdain Behind the softness of a grin And a polite exchange My best offense? Keep my head down like an ostrich This environment is toxic, caustic Problems ain't just with the boss it's FUCKING EVERYTHING YOU HEAR ME? EVERYTHING A chimpanzee or Any member of Jersey Shore Could do this, what you need me for? This what I got a College Degree for? This ain't destiny. Hate this I'm destined for greatness My dream too big to not chase it Times to precious to waste it And I'm way too young not to change this What am I doing with my life? I'm better than this I'm better than this Look where I'm at I'm better than this I'm better than this This aint where I want to be Cause I'm better than this And I'm better than them I've said it before And I've said it again I'm better than this And I'm better than them Although being alive is beautiful I'd rather stay inside in my bed like cuticles Now that might not seem judicial But I waste away my life in that cubicle When I'm lonely with hooks, raps I get all the bad shit out, like Kinoki foot pads Grew up in a home with a good dad At 24, I got too many "I coulda beens, only ifs, should haves" And I know that, My future looks bad But for myself it's time to make a name And its a known fact When your goals and reality don't match Its time to make a change So here I am no more time wasted Committed, way more than a ppsyc patient The hard road is what I'm taking And that realization... Life changing
7.
Ants 02:27
Take these ants and Place them in a box until they riot and cry Life's down, you up and die Alarm clock roaring, 530 in the morning Though He'd rather be snoring Its important for a twenty four and A half year old to be supportin His wife, his kid and pay his mortgage But to afford it He's gotta go corporate, Put up with the horse shit And so of course when he Smiles, He's force in Arrives at 8 AM and sits at his cubicle table Sucks but its got benefits and its stable 9 hours in a chair, only able to exercise his Kegel Everyday he asks for a sesame seed bagel But Judy gives him an everything instead Which makes him a little unstable In his head Everybodys got it out for for him Feels dead, all day filling out forms While Ted watches ass to mouth porn And Fred talks about Winthrop on the Big South Forums He wonders if he's the only one that actually works? This whole week he's been so mad he could curse because Patrick's a jerk Stole his idea on how to package the shirts But would you believe that aint the first Time So flash forward here 4 more years Same position, same duties, just bored more to tears Cornered by fears that he's been ignored for career Advancement, And just when he's about to hand in His two week notice, he
8.
Hurts When Breathe End of the month, time to pay your mortgage And your bank account's $400 short it Hurts When Breathe 10 hour flight, too late to jet home You realize you forgot your headphones Hurts When Breathe McDonald's is out of Chicken Nuggets And 30 minute wait on fries, Fuck it Hurts When Breathe When a friend betrays you When you don't think Falkor will save Atreyu Hurts When Breathe You order beef, but they give you a veggie wrap Every time Casey Veggies Raps Hurts When Breathe Hearing V-Nasty say the N Word Seeing V-Nasty and your dick turns inward Hurts When Breathe You see a 16 year old with a new car When people mix up Your and you are Hurts When Breathe Fat people showing PDA That commercial he ASPCA Hurts When Breathe Sitting in ants Shitting your pants Hurts When Breathe Its cold but, you forgot your fleece though, Jay Electronica tweeting about a bistro Hurts When Breathe Having your life decided by a jury Ejaculating prematurely Hurts When Breathe Graduating college Turning 25... Know what I call it? Hurts When Breathe
9.
You keep saying that you hate your job But you stay being a lazy slob You can't really complain If your complacent an d let things stay the same I'm not complacent, this place is sucking My soul, I'm Linked all the way the fuck in My resume on Monster CareerBuilder Every job I want I either can't find, its filled or What? Doesn't exist? You son of a bitch. You gave up after a couple of clicks You know you aren't really trying Tell Mrs. Bauce you're looking but you're really lying Yeah, whatever, You know I found a few that were promising But the hardest thing is that They either want someone more published or had a background in marketing I'll give you that, but what about that one in Columbia? 3 interviews and not one offer has come to ya I admit that it ain't all perfume and florals But I think you're resting on your laurels. They're being extra particular Most of my knowledge comes from my extra curricular I show em Rap Genius and MJF, that kind of stuff I am made for it But they don't really care if I wasn't paid for it Do you think life's fair? If you don't put some effort in, you gonna die here And this place is bad as you say Then prepare for the saddest decade I've reached out and tried to network Posted on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, trying to make the net work For me, And I'm not gonna sit here and say poor me But if I'm doing something wrong, then please inform me Look you can get off your pulpit I'm here to keep you in check, call you on your bullshit Job hunting is hard and tough, But no matter what you say or think... You ain't trying hard enough
10.
Whatcha See 04:30
Sheeps in wolf clothing, But they don't have to be wearing fur It don't happen in error or Accident, There's a reason that they called artists Create a well crafted character Fables for ankles, Deceit for feet, So they can act like they run this town and be in the streets The legs, shins... deception Fabrication around the back and waist then For the reprise, surprise, nothing but lies in them eyes When you call em out, they'll deny fervently And there's a big difference between hyperbole and when you lie purposely I tell the truth, while they give another version of it They create a persona, but what's the purpose of it? When the burden of it Just makes em nervous and it much harder to keep the truth from coming to the surface of it You gotta know they bitter Claiming they have a movement With 20 followers on twitter Holler if they iller, I don't hear a peep They livin in a dream world, their career asleep, here's the sheep They kill these bars? But Nobody felt what they were saying like playing Billards But you can't blame em, or shame em People just want to seem more important than they really are Faking the funk? You made a mistake from the jump I hate it when chumps Saying they Trump but then only being able to put $5 in to pay at the pump These types of cats are the laziest bunch Pits that won't behave, they say they got bad bitches Dads name Richard, pissed em off, they got mad riches And the only trains they running are Lionel The truth won't give them the image they want, but Lying will
11.
Burbs 02:56
12.
Dear Mama Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama No ones better than you This my letter to you Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama, I know you scared mama Take a breath of fresh air, say a prayer mama What you gotta do, it's pretty clear mama And I know the reason why, ain't what it appears mama I realize its for me , not your family, your friends, school, or your career mama And that you all alone, stuck in a pit of despair mama And I'm aware, it ain't fair mama For me or You, But as a woman, you are rare mama And Can't nobody else compare mama Blame yourself or second guess, don't you dare mama So stand tall Wipe away the tears mama I'm only here, cause of one too many beers mama My heartbeat you never got to hear mama I know, deep in my soul you'll remember me every year mama And even you though you'll never see your unborn smile I understand why. Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama Love, Your unborn child Dear Mama No ones better than you This my letter to you Love, Your unborn child
13.
I'm no where to be found under my top sheets At 7 am, when the Alarm clock beeps, Cause Jon Baylor sent over some new Hot beats And you know that don't mean that JR got sleep Music all day and night That's what pays for my crazy life A lot of love, a lot of hate. Cause I made it right? Thinking back on the days of major strife As I flow away the night This my job now, I'm a superstar Drive with the top down in the newest car Anything I want I can purchase The words in my verses let me splurge on my urges Top Ten, Top 5, I am top tier Girls see me, they shriek, and then sob tears And just when its looking like Robs Year Unfortunately, the dream stops here And everything in life that I've ever wanted Well... now I own it And life couldn't be much better But then I realized It's all It's all It's all a dream I write books, ghostwrite hooks I'm a published author getting tons of offers Cash filling up the coffers Over this money, I couldn't C U if you were covered in copper Rap Genius and Mostly Junk Food pay the bills After taxes, I make about 80 mil This must be how Baby feels Crazy eel , Moray No one's enamored or amore with Toure They flock to read all my story's Every restaurant I go to the waiter, the maitre d address me as signore Why? Cause I'm that shit, and my bomb ass quips Get read like Compact discs I got Jay-Z and Wayne in my Contact List And every book I pen is a hit like a combat fist
14.
Find her in Shiny diamonds, a pair of nice earrings She don't do em, she assign errands We good together like dinner time, wine Pairings She mine, I don't mind if them Guys staring I'm like why fear em? Cause its my phero Mones, That got her legs open more than Sharon Stone And I aint shy about it, Make em cry about When I throw the fact that I'm her pick in their face, Razor Ramon She hotter than sriracha in sauna Make her chalah like rosh hashanah When Rob Dahmers that vagina... She a fly lady Opposite of maury show I'm telling you that's my baby These other women beef Cause she makes them look ruff like Rin Tin Tin's speech I think we'd all agree, her face should replace roosevelt on that ten cent piece, peace
15.
They ignore facts Like that I torch tracks But they insist of sleeping on me more than snorlax Oh you got the four packed? And you blast toys? That's Horse crap Everytime there's trouble you avoid that Go against me and with you I will wipe the floor Drive to the hospital, ask the nurse, find the floor Bring you more harm Rip that thing out your arm, And leave that spot where there was an IV Sore Think we harmless weedles But when you start the beef we'll Head toward your guys Metamorphosize and Swarm like Beedrills Oh, you don't like us? Ditto But kiddo, you're trying to be just like us?… Ditto If I wanted head or dome, I'd spit a clever poem to yo sparrow, That would have her wanting to take this Fearow home To beat, but Jay's married… And those clefairies couldn't do that with a metronome Pretending to be bad boys like Biggie and Puff But as soon as the cops put them into the cuffs They start singing like Wigglytuff I'm more fly than Butterfree, Pidgeot, Moltres Jigglypuff I told you JR's hot And how I'm spitting it up like Arbok I hope you stockpile your rhymes Me rapping should be a violent crime You don't have the skills to be the master That title is mine I'm a talented man And there you are hating without any fans Then watch the rhymes Psy-kick, Alakazam They don't get it so they say i'm on some Odd-ish Introduce your side to gloom, when I spit a vile plume of hot shit Pay attention so you don't miss the rhyme Even if my foe is a chick, I will bury-her mister mime And I love it when spry Jabronies try To test me I get more excited than when I find a shiny Ponyta
16.
[Verse 1] Knew I'd Dr Kill this beat, but my lawyer got me Murder 2 Sir its true, Your bitch is an alluring shrew She's so hot I drool, So I bought that fox some jewels Gave her the shocker, lots of joules She really is the finest dime This is effortless for me, I can see why you wine While you were pressing Dockers Laughing at how Ben Stiller Met The Fockers Me and Rusty Redenbacher were hanging out with seven legend rockers Eating the reddest lobsters and ghostwriting all seven Potter Books, Look, I'm the closest to perfect that's been made Out of Fire Fire 100 I'm a 99, big bade Told Chris I'm Just Joking But really, Nah, I'm Serious Heard Danny Brown on Sirius Or is it XM? Females I Respect Them But I fucking hate deaf people They're about as important as Flag Day We should put em on a boat, send it Antarctica and sink it halfway FYI I'm White FYI I'm tight FYI I'm trite With one chin jab, I can make your Zen Dash Steal your MP3 Player and Run, that's what I call a Zen Dash I don't food fight fair, duck into a safe place I'm throwing China If I hit you, they'll call you plate face Me and your sister had a play date Went to gave her the D, but then it got hostile Cuz her lady lotus smelled god awful ROFLCOPTER FT Win I'm the GM of Heathens, Obnoxious Some call me that orifice near the coxis Loaned Zyanch some white sox ticks While Brenton Rules, Diggy Simmons frickin drools So sick, I’m spouting vomit Tried to convince Thee Hardy Boys, to reconsider why they were doubting Thomas [Verse 2] I'm out in Portugal With Dan Haggar the Horrible The Oracle says Acmatic is adorable 24 years old, I'm with Erika watching Dora the Explora still Mister Mary Jane smoking something with chlorophyll Cover me in Silver Even Cold Killas couldn't See A G Straightened That Girl Shan's hair with my Aveda Chi Me and Mpheilbrunn, be some hellions Name a dude with a beat that's hot, I'll out sell them Name a crew give me a yacht, I'll out sail them Flow like a maelstrom Vortex, Get Cortex From your Whore Next She said you could never wet her, gore tex Fuck whatever your angle is, I got a bevel square Kait be my niece, Told her no loitering with pedobears Especially in Delaware Wardrobe debonair Call my closet its the bino Why? Sperry's, Seven pairs With this, remember I was the first though Got Christine selling shirts, slinging merch, yo Had to get something to eat Met a mermaid named Ariel at L A Buns and company S Kerbz, Dat My Dog Doe, no lassie Call me Mr. New Watch, my Cartier so Jazzy Gave Frank Miller a Frank Muller I'm an exhibitionist, so flashy Wake up in the am, its Coffee and OJ With every verse, fans say "Oh, Jay" You killin it Every song's a dental cavity, We're feeling it So Effervescent Should I let my career die? Nah... Ressurect it Come alive in the night time, around the Midnight kid I'm a King Arthur amidst knights, kid The Bauce, yeah it's J Rob Shouts to Catf1sh aka the HNHGod Handcuff No Hoes So claim I'm a new jack to this boombap I was in the womb listening to the WU rap Girls say I have handsome testes But their man's hatin on my cute sack I can't help if your mom fell for us Jessie calls them other blogs Fudd cause they take the L more, its A fact, see I got this science down exact g

about

Justin turns 25 and is sad.

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released September 27, 2011

All praises to to Jon Baylor and Waddstaxx for producing a majority of the beats. Dr Khil for donating his "Sherlock Holmes" beat for So Literary.

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Stick Up Kids Greenville, South Carolina

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