Quarter Life Crisis

by J Rob

  • Streaming + Download




Justin turns 25 and is sad.


released September 27, 2011

All praises to to Jon Baylor and Waddstaxx for producing a majority of the beats. Dr Khil for donating his "Sherlock Holmes" beat for So Literary.



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Stick Up Kids Greenville, South Carolina

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Track Name: How Clever
My lyrics are a gift to the children
No soul, They say rap's missing the feeling
Well I give them the thrillin
They get watching a young prince william, vivian, phil and
Carlton, my bars starving them
This young artisan'
Skills illing, anti-penicillin
Couldnt be this proper if you went to cotillion
If you're swag's 30,000 mine on quadrillion
Or one thousand million million
That's a 1 with twenty zeroes
Now a days there's plenty heroes
But they can't kill this villain,
Built this building
Just so you say you in it
And I can tear it down
Its Garish what I'm wearing now
Flowing like a faucet, they ask how I'm farah'n now
I'm who they fearing now when they hear my sounds
Big fumes when I spit tunes
Fill up your spittoon
I've made chicks swoon since Lara croft was in tombs, nicktoons, and rick rude,
I'm Doused in arrogance
That's the reason your spouse blouse got left on my beach house chair again
And the sheer amount of knowledge I possess about full house is embarassin
We scalp garrisons
Leave Wiz Taylor Gang-less and XV without Squarians
Bottomline: Competition we bury them
Steal your maid marian
When rob in yo hood with his merry men
Bitch it's Rob; I'm a Demigod
And I'm Shitting on rappers, got em trailing like the Iditarod
Dogfish what I'm sippin on
Yo chick missing? She probably with Crane, Ichabod
Stacks like I'm Flippin Pogs
Pabst like I'm still in college
Passport got stamps; it needs to get a job
You have No Future and that Isn't Odd
Giant ego, My head bigger than the Wiz of Oz
Track Name: Night By Night
What direction are you heading Rob
Stuck in a Dead End with a Second Job
No pressure dog
A day job for j rob is toxic
So I watch this obnoxious clock tick
4:59, 45 seconds
15 more before I exit
Trying to make due to pay dues, all the while hoping that well break through
Once my ship comes in, I'm outta here
So when the sun goes down around here
That sound you hear loud and clear
Of me and my astounding peers grinding...
Like we threw our cars out of gear,
When the moonlight is on
Give me A microphone,
A Night alone writing Poems,
And I'm at right home
From 8-6 My days consists
Of lazy shifts just so I can pay for shit

Used to think finding a good job couldn't be that hard
Now I vent about it when I G Chat Marc
Then Baylor sends a beat that's hard
And even though that's small, well I need that spark
Just to get through today
How many times I think about quitting? At least two a day
Night time, my life line,
Imbibe some beer or white wine, skype, and write tight rhymes
Wife asks why I've been so stressed
Cause I come home shaking like MJF,
And when I think of going out like MJ's death
I log in and start bloggin for MJF
Give the people something nutritious,
But instead I write some stupid shit,
Wishing it was lucractive
So in lieu of this, I dream and hope
That one day I see that boat, headed towards me afloat

Friday Friday, Thank You Based God
Another week down at the day job
Today was full of facepalms
But I somehow managed to stay calm with aplomb
I call up Other Wise and Shamrock,
Tell em to come over, I got lamp chops, and scotch on the damn rocks
I'm getting sloppy drunk, do you copy punks?
So bring me a 12 pack, preferably a hoppy one
This week's been a rocky one
Fuck I might stay up all night watching movies, starting with Rocky 1
Or old cartoons like the Bullwinkle and Rocky ones
Chino's weed the color of mixtapes, the ASAP Rocky one
The weekend is freedom, naps, music, partying lots of fun
Lots of rum, Fuck the neighbors, you can tell the cops to come
Not until sunrise on Monday, will Rob be done
Track Name: Loose Ur <3 2nite
The first thing I notice was that fat ass
I wanna kill that shit, leave her flag at half mast
And for the last half,
Hour, in this club, she's been talking to some Scrubs
Need save her from these Zac Braffs

Let's get it straight, I don't simp
Not for a princess or a known nypmh
Blonde hair, drinking Malibu, she so primped
I'm a put it on this Barbie, no shrimp
This sexy, young,
Betty done got me already sprung
Louboutin, leopard pumps, Palm Tree Dress from Alexa Chung
Ooooooooh, she made well
Got these chicks jealous too cause she already won

I'm trying to catch her eye like Salinger
So I can get her out of her
She don't need to go Home Alone Kevin McCallister
Them Inhibitions diminish with a some McCallans in her
But way before that Scotch hit
I'll have her gassed up more than Aushwitz
Ahhh shit
Wanna to stroke her like a Golf hit
And taste what gloss is on them soft lips
Now she checkin like Foursquare,
Out of her Party of Five, theres four squares
So so sos so ditch em
You and me together are so so fittin
Wanted to get into those britches
Ever since I saw you from the back like Nomo pitchin
And I''ve been Soco sipping
So After a few shots, everything's slo-mo shifting
Chit chat, shit's wrapped, OK we're smitte n
Told her I want use your love, but I may forget it
And though we only need each other for tonight
Probably drunk text you in a fortnight, of course right?
If she falls in love then I'm culpable
She ain't know orgasms could be like my rhyme schemes... multiples
So give me your love, I promise not to lose it boo
Let's go somewhere quiet, I got some things I want to do to you
Track Name: Musical Therapy
My poly-syllabic habits are ballsy and lavish
Awfuly elaborate
Far from the average
Call me old-fashioned
But I'm causing the havoc, these prodigys lacking
So I pause for applause and the clapping
You're spittings a bore
Like YaYa, you chihuahuas
Constantly Yapping,
Dog I'm a mastiff
Unsigned but I'm, In for deals,
J Rob is Aladdin
And In enfamils, like baby products..
An Aspirin won't solve the withdrawal you've been having
The Songs that I'm packing
All hits like Molly and acid
That takes em calmy to back in
The day when video games were bought from a Babbages
This me giving a
Loss to these has beens
You do music what they constantly asking
Now that you see this Bauce up in action,
And its pretty obvious I'm awesome at rapping

Its like the right song comes on just when I need it, need it
When I feel so damaged and my souls famished
Those notes feed it, feed it
Music is my therapy gives me clarity,
I hope you see it, see it
Cause whatever I need at the timeee,
Music can be it, be it

Gotta love that no matter if
I'm on top of my girl, top of the world or downtrodden
There's a sound option
And each week theirs some one new that astounds blogs and,
Its like remember so and so from last week we crowned hot?
Well this new artist we found tops them
Music is massively cogent
It can capture a moment
Take you back in time
No need for a car with a flux capacitor on it
It can heal, and soothes your pain
It can steal your blues away
So let me tell you what it do me
Ordering syllables are integral
To dealing with the
Fool ish, bull ish, of the imbeciles
I interact with daily, so this rap shit baby
Is the only reason why I'm not bat shit crazy
Track Name: So Literary
@BauceSauce where the birds chirp
With verbs, I'm Wordsworth
Before trying to sell your CD, figure out what your words worth
All these cats claim to aim, hit and split marrow
Talking how they got big guns, how they gats be great
F. Scott Fitzgeralds
I strike fear in these YouTube vets
You too fresh in that fubu vest?
I shit on yall, the scene looks like Yoo Hoo Mess
Dr Khil... this shit cra... like A dozen flew over the cuckoo's nest
I'm Chief Bromden, be cautious
90% of these conmen preach nonsense
Give you these options
You can either leave promptly
Or get thrown from a wuthering height off a heath cliff, word to emily bronte

They got tough shit to say with their mouse
They must not want it too badly,
Cause these Boo radleys stay in their house
Hide behind keyboards and really talk absurd
Catch em in real life and show yall How to kill a mockingbird
Teach Em a lesson before dying
Think before trying
This Don Juan, no Lord Byron
You bout that friend zone side hug life
Jay can show you he bout that Ayn Rand Atlas shrug life

I'm so literary
I'm so literary
Put reading a book on your itinterary
Watch reading rainbow, make your bleeding brain grow
Your so dumb it is scary
While I'm so literary

You couldn't pack an auditorium
Their camp tried implorin them "You don't want to go to war with him"
This aint tennis son, no back and forth
Sent him to the lord and then his people writing bout him in memoriam
A young Kurt Vonnegut
My career in bloom like a Nirvana hit
Feeling like I might blow up on some hurt Locker shit
Your crew is full of Oscar Wildes
I've heard about the parties y'all throw for the Oscar's... wild.
They can't bear the fact
I kill rappers and beat poets
But if the beat donuts
Then The kids don't care you whack
Fuck that foolishness, Your future is dubious
No more bright spots, You're career's looking lugubrious
Everyone in my coterie is noteworthy
You a bitch, I can see the run in your hosiery overtly
Catch me tickling your Madam Bovary's ovaries
Skin tone whiter than snow flurries on a polar b
No drugs for my root canal, I knew it would hurt though
Tried to trandscend dentalism, damn I'm so Thoreau
To reiterate, I obliterate bitter twitter hate when I alliterate
First and foremost, fuck your feelings
I'll figure skate a figure eight on your fat father's frickin face

I'm so literary
I'm so literary
Put reading a book on your itinerary
Watch reading rainbow, make your bleeding brain grow
Your so dumb it is scary
While I'm so literary

I'm the shit, The Lord of the Flies
But what's more a surprise
Is how I split a whore and her thighs
Even if they say it's dudes they don't fuck, PSYCH
Trust, I put my girthy john, Up Dike's
You ain't scary, you couldn't make a rabbit run with magic, son
On the beat, go from Jekyl to Mr. Hide, What's happening?
Your girl's full of myself, she so conceited,
Never settle foa metaphor, I'd rather conceit it
While they Serve similes
Who they are don't match what they doing
That subject and verb disagree
Combine N.E.R.D. with a nerd, you get me
Paint Superb imagery
I'm who these herbs want to be
I'm getting a fucking colonic while reading chuck palahniuk
Think I should call it quits, you can on suck, all this dick.
Y'all need to Stop, I've heard it all before, Billy Ocean
You silly yeoman you should Kill yourself, Willy Loman
I'll keep my Sperry's, you can have the Shell toes
Did it my hemingway, now I'm for whom the bell tolls,
Charge my light brigade and all around you theyll be cannons
My discography should be added to the Literary Canon
Track Name: Better Than This
50 thoughtless hours in this office
Which Flawless, ly eats my soul,
I'm nauseous
Just thinking that I'd rather be jobless
So I'm cautious, hide the disdain
Behind the softness of a grin
And a polite exchange
My best offense?
Keep my head down like an ostrich
This environment is toxic, caustic
Problems ain't just with the boss it's
A chimpanzee or
Any member of Jersey Shore
Could do this, what you need me for?
This what I got a College Degree for?
This ain't destiny. Hate this
I'm destined for greatness
My dream too big to not chase it
Times to precious to waste it
And I'm way too young not to change this

What am I doing with my life?
I'm better than this
I'm better than this
Look where I'm at
I'm better than this
I'm better than this
This aint where I want to be
Cause I'm better than this
And I'm better than them
I've said it before
And I've said it again
I'm better than this
And I'm better than them

Although being alive is beautiful
I'd rather stay inside in my bed like cuticles
Now that might not seem judicial
But I waste away my life in that cubicle
When I'm lonely with hooks, raps
I get all the bad shit out, like Kinoki foot pads
Grew up in a home with a good dad
At 24, I got too many
"I coulda beens, only ifs, should haves"
And I know that, My future looks bad
But for myself it's time to make a name
And its a known fact
When your goals and reality don't match
Its time to make a change
So here I am no more time wasted
Committed, way more than a ppsyc patient
The hard road is what I'm taking
And that realization... Life changing
Track Name: Ants
Take these ants and
Place them in a box until they riot and cry
Life's down, you up and die
Alarm clock roaring, 530 in the morning
Though He'd rather be snoring
Its important for a twenty four and
A half year old to be supportin
His wife, his kid and pay his mortgage
But to afford it
He's gotta go corporate,
Put up with the horse shit
And so of course when he
Smiles, He's force in
Arrives at 8 AM and sits at his cubicle table
Sucks but its got benefits and its stable
9 hours in a chair, only able to exercise his Kegel
Everyday he asks for a sesame seed bagel
But Judy gives him an everything instead
Which makes him a little unstable
In his head
Everybodys got it out for for him
Feels dead, all day filling out forms
While Ted watches ass to mouth porn
And Fred talks about Winthrop on the Big South Forums
He wonders if he's the only one that actually works?
This whole week he's been so mad he could curse because
Patrick's a jerk
Stole his idea on how to package the shirts
But would you believe that aint the first
So flash forward here 4 more years
Same position, same duties, just bored more to tears
Cornered by fears that he's been ignored for career
And just when he's about to hand in
His two week notice, he
Track Name: #hurtswhenbreathe (Interlude)
Hurts When Breathe

End of the month, time to pay your mortgage
And your bank account's $400 short it
Hurts When Breathe

10 hour flight, too late to jet home
You realize you forgot your headphones
Hurts When Breathe

McDonald's is out of Chicken Nuggets
And 30 minute wait on fries, Fuck it
Hurts When Breathe

When a friend betrays you
When you don't think Falkor will save Atreyu
Hurts When Breathe

You order beef, but they give you a veggie wrap
Every time Casey Veggies Raps
Hurts When Breathe

Hearing V-Nasty say the N Word
Seeing V-Nasty and your dick turns inward
Hurts When Breathe

You see a 16 year old with a new car
When people mix up Your and you are
Hurts When Breathe

Fat people showing PDA
That commercial he ASPCA
Hurts When Breathe

Sitting in ants
Shitting your pants
Hurts When Breathe

Its cold but, you forgot your fleece though,
Jay Electronica tweeting about a bistro
Hurts When Breathe

Having your life decided by a jury
Ejaculating prematurely
Hurts When Breathe

Graduating college
Turning 25... Know what I call it?
Hurts When Breathe
Track Name: Round and Round
You keep saying that you hate your job
But you stay being a lazy slob
You can't really complain
If your complacent an d let things stay the same

I'm not complacent, this place is sucking
My soul, I'm Linked all the way the fuck in
My resume on Monster CareerBuilder
Every job I want I either can't find, its filled or

What? Doesn't exist? You son of a bitch.
You gave up after a couple of clicks
You know you aren't really trying
Tell Mrs. Bauce you're looking but you're really lying

Yeah, whatever,
You know I found a few that were promising
But the hardest thing is that
They either want someone more published
or had a background in marketing

I'll give you that, but what about that one in Columbia?
3 interviews and not one offer has come to ya
I admit that it ain't all perfume and florals
But I think you're resting on your laurels.

They're being extra particular
Most of my knowledge comes from my extra curricular
I show em Rap Genius and MJF, that kind of stuff I am made for it
But they don't really care if I wasn't paid for it

Do you think life's fair?
If you don't put some effort in, you gonna die here
And this place is bad as you say
Then prepare for the saddest decade

I've reached out and tried to network
Posted on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, trying to make the net work
For me, And I'm not gonna sit here and say poor me
But if I'm doing something wrong, then please inform me

Look you can get off your pulpit
I'm here to keep you in check, call you on your bullshit
Job hunting is hard and tough,
But no matter what you say or think...
You ain't trying hard enough
Track Name: Whatcha See
Sheeps in wolf clothing, But they don't have to be wearing fur
It don't happen in error or
There's a reason that they called artists
Create a well crafted character
Fables for ankles, Deceit for feet,
So they can act like they run this town and be in the streets
The legs, shins... deception
Fabrication around the back and waist then
For the reprise, surprise, nothing but lies in them eyes
When you call em out, they'll deny fervently
And there's a big difference between hyperbole and when you lie purposely
I tell the truth, while they give another version of it
They create a persona, but what's the purpose of it?
When the burden of it
Just makes em nervous and it much harder to keep the truth from coming to the surface of it

You gotta know they bitter
Claiming they have a movement
With 20 followers on twitter
Holler if they iller,
I don't hear a peep
They livin in a dream world, their career asleep, here's the sheep
They kill these bars?
But Nobody felt what they were saying like playing Billards
But you can't blame em, or shame em
People just want to seem more important than they really are
Faking the funk?
You made a mistake from the jump
I hate it when chumps
Saying they Trump but then only being able to put $5 in to pay at the pump
These types of cats are the laziest bunch
Pits that won't behave, they say they got bad bitches
Dads name Richard, pissed em off, they got mad riches
And the only trains they running are Lionel
The truth won't give them the image they want, but Lying will
Track Name: Dear Mama: Love, Your Unborn Child
Dear Mama
Your unborn child

Dear Mama
Your unborn child

Dear Mama
No ones better than you
This my letter to you
Your unborn child

Dear Mama,
I know you scared mama
Take a breath of fresh air, say a prayer mama
What you gotta do, it's pretty clear mama
And I know the reason why, ain't what it appears mama
I realize its for me , not your family, your friends, school, or your career mama
And that you all alone, stuck in a pit of despair mama
And I'm aware, it ain't fair mama
For me or You,
But as a woman, you are rare mama
And Can't nobody else compare mama
Blame yourself or second guess, don't you dare mama
So stand tall Wipe away the tears mama
I'm only here, cause of one too many beers mama
My heartbeat you never got to hear mama
I know, deep in my soul you'll remember me every year mama
And even you though you'll never see your unborn smile
I understand why.
Love, Your unborn child

Dear Mama
Your unborn child

Dear Mama
Your unborn child

Dear Mama
No ones better than you
This my letter to you
Your unborn child
Track Name: It's All A Dream
I'm no where to be found under my top sheets
At 7 am, when the Alarm clock beeps,
Cause Jon Baylor sent over some new Hot beats
And you know that don't mean that JR got sleep
Music all day and night
That's what pays for my crazy life
A lot of love, a lot of hate. Cause I made it right?
Thinking back on the days of major strife
As I flow away the night
This my job now, I'm a superstar
Drive with the top down in the newest car
Anything I want I can purchase
The words in my verses let me splurge on my urges
Top Ten, Top 5, I am top tier
Girls see me, they shriek, and then sob tears
And just when its looking like Robs Year
Unfortunately, the dream stops here

And everything in life that I've ever wanted
Well... now I own it
And life couldn't be much better
But then I realized
It's all
It's all
It's all a dream

I write books, ghostwrite hooks
I'm a published author getting tons of offers
Cash filling up the coffers
Over this money, I couldn't C U if you were covered in copper
Rap Genius and Mostly Junk Food pay the bills
After taxes, I make about 80 mil
This must be how Baby feels
Crazy eel , Moray
No one's enamored or amore with Toure
They flock to read all my story's
Every restaurant I go to the waiter, the maitre d address me as signore
Why? Cause I'm that shit, and my bomb ass quips
Get read like Compact discs
I got Jay-Z and Wayne in my Contact List
And every book I pen is a hit like a combat fist
Track Name: There Goes My Baby
Find her in Shiny diamonds, a pair of nice earrings
She don't do em, she assign errands
We good together like dinner time, wine Pairings
She mine, I don't mind if them Guys staring
I'm like why fear em?
Cause its my phero
That got her legs open more than Sharon Stone
And I aint shy about it, Make em cry about
When I throw the fact that I'm her pick in their face, Razor Ramon
She hotter than sriracha in sauna
Make her chalah like rosh hashanah
When Rob Dahmers that vagina...
She a fly lady
Opposite of maury show
I'm telling you that's my baby
These other women beef
Cause she makes them look ruff like Rin Tin Tin's speech
I think we'd all agree, her face should replace roosevelt on that ten cent piece, peace
Track Name: Pokemon Master
They ignore facts
Like that I torch tracks
But they insist of sleeping on me more than snorlax
Oh you got the four packed?
And you blast toys? That's
Horse crap
Everytime there's trouble you avoid that
Go against me and with you I will wipe the floor
Drive to the hospital, ask the nurse, find the floor
Bring you more harm
Rip that thing out your arm,
And leave that spot where there was an IV Sore
Think we harmless weedles
But when you start the beef we'll
Head toward your guys
Metamorphosize and
Swarm like Beedrills
Oh, you don't like us? Ditto
But kiddo, you're trying to be just like us?… Ditto
If I wanted head or dome,
I'd spit a clever poem to yo sparrow,
That would have her wanting to take this Fearow home
To beat, but Jay's married…
And those clefairies couldn't do that with a metronome

Pretending to be bad boys like Biggie and Puff
But as soon as the cops put them into the cuffs
They start singing like Wigglytuff
I'm more fly than Butterfree, Pidgeot, Moltres Jigglypuff
I told you JR's hot
And how I'm spitting it up
like Arbok
I hope you stockpile your rhymes
Me rapping should be a violent crime
You don't have the skills to be the master
That title is mine
I'm a talented man
And there you are hating without any fans
Then watch the rhymes Psy-kick, Alakazam
They don't get it so they say i'm on some Odd-ish
Introduce your side to gloom, when I spit a vile plume of hot shit
Pay attention so you don't miss the rhyme
Even if my foe is a chick, I will bury-her mister mime
And I love it when spry Jabronies try
To test me
I get more excited than when I find a shiny Ponyta
Track Name: The BS 400 Follower Super Shoutout #FF Cryptic Name Drop Song ft. One Take Jamarcus
[Verse 1]

Knew I'd Dr Kill this beat, but my lawyer got me Murder 2
Sir its true, Your bitch is an alluring shrew
She's so hot I drool, So I bought that fox some jewels
Gave her the shocker, lots of joules
She really is the finest dime
This is effortless for me, I can see why you wine
While you were pressing Dockers
Laughing at how Ben Stiller Met The Fockers
Me and Rusty Redenbacher were hanging out with seven legend rockers
Eating the reddest lobsters and ghostwriting all seven Potter
Books, Look, I'm the closest to perfect that's been made
Out of Fire Fire 100
I'm a 99, big bade
Told Chris I'm Just Joking
But really, Nah, I'm Serious
Heard Danny Brown on Sirius
Or is it XM?
Females I Respect Them
But I fucking hate deaf people
They're about as important as Flag Day
We should put em on a boat, send it Antarctica and sink it halfway
FYI I'm White
FYI I'm tight
FYI I'm trite
With one chin jab, I can make your Zen Dash
Steal your MP3 Player and Run, that's what I call a Zen Dash
I don't food fight fair, duck into a safe place
I'm throwing China
If I hit you, they'll call you plate face
Me and your sister had a play date
Went to gave her the D, but then it got hostile
Cuz her lady lotus smelled god awful
I'm the GM of Heathens, Obnoxious
Some call me that orifice near the coxis
Loaned Zyanch some white sox ticks
While Brenton Rules, Diggy Simmons frickin drools
So sick, I’m spouting vomit
Tried to convince Thee Hardy Boys, to reconsider why they were doubting Thomas

[Verse 2]
I'm out in Portugal
With Dan Haggar the Horrible
The Oracle says Acmatic is adorable
24 years old, I'm with Erika watching Dora the Explora still
Mister Mary Jane smoking something with chlorophyll
Cover me in Silver
Even Cold Killas couldn't See A G
Straightened That Girl Shan's hair with my Aveda Chi
Me and Mpheilbrunn, be some hellions
Name a dude with a beat that's hot, I'll out sell them
Name a crew give me a yacht, I'll out sail them
Flow like a maelstrom
Vortex, Get Cortex From your Whore Next
She said you could never wet her, gore tex
Fuck whatever your angle is, I got a bevel square
Kait be my niece, Told her no loitering with pedobears
Especially in Delaware
Wardrobe debonair
Call my closet its the bino
Why? Sperry's, Seven pairs
With this, remember I was the first though
Got Christine selling shirts, slinging merch, yo
Had to get something to eat
Met a mermaid named Ariel at L A Buns and company
S Kerbz, Dat My Dog Doe, no lassie
Call me Mr. New Watch, my Cartier so Jazzy
Gave Frank Miller a Frank Muller
I'm an exhibitionist, so flashy
Wake up in the am, its Coffee and OJ
With every verse, fans say "Oh, Jay"
You killin it
Every song's a dental cavity, We're feeling it
So Effervescent
Should I let my career die? Nah... Ressurect it
Come alive in the night time, around the Midnight kid
I'm a King Arthur amidst knights, kid
The Bauce, yeah it's J Rob
Shouts to Catf1sh aka the HNHGod
Handcuff No Hoes
So claim I'm a new jack to this boombap
I was in the womb listening to the WU rap
Girls say I have handsome testes
But their man's hatin on my cute sack
I can't help if your mom fell for us
Jessie calls them other blogs Fudd cause they take the L more, its
A fact, see I got this science down exact g